Sunday, October 11, 2009

Arise and Be Men

When we consider of the admonition to be men, we must think of Jesus Christ. The Lord asked His disciples what manner of men they should be, and then answered, "Verily I say unto you, even as I Am." Jesus told his Apostles, "Whosoever of you will be the chiefest shall be the servant of all."

He gave His life to redeem mankind. Surely we can accept responsibility for those He entrusts to our care. Let us be men, even as He is.

Mormon Messages

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Wall-to-wall With Nathaniel

Here it is: A collection of wall-to-wall quotes with Nathaniel! I prize this collection of quotes as I would a pound of fine gold, or Red Robin Mushroom Swiss Hamburger! Both are of equal value.

...why I did I capitalize the hamburger? I have problems.

DALLEN: Nathanulated! That's when Nathaniel is ground into a very fine powder and sprinkled on food!

NATHANIEL: Dal'n has a really really big wart on the back of his neck!!! HA!!!

D: Nathaniel is hooked on illegal pharmaceuticals

N: Daln smells funny...

D: May God have mercy on your soul!

N: Dallen has a patch of hair on his back that is 3 feet long! he braids it and tucks it in his pants. Watch out when you go hot tubbing with him!

D: Nathaniel can't grow chair on his chest! He still hasn't reached that phase!

N: Dallen, nobody grows chairs on their chest. Did you mean Chairs on my hest? or Hairs on my chest? Either way, your insult failed... HA!!!!

D: Dang it! Foiled again! I guess I'm just not good at being a jerk!

N: Dallen's armpits are infested with the fleas of a thousand camels! HA!!!

D: Nathaniel... I have just two words about you: Special Ed!

N: You sit on a throne of lies!

D: Buy me candy or I'll delete you from my friends list!

N: Hey remember that one time that you spelled spaghetti "speghetti"? HA! That was sooo funny!

D: At least my problems can be solved by a click of a few buttons. Yours, unfortunately, are going to take years of counseling! wha ha

N: It's time to instruct you in the matters of loss and pain...

D: Merry Christmas you filthy animal!

N: Dallen's brain is the consistency of jello!

D: I'm getting ridiculously close to shoving a coconut up your... sleeping bag.

N: "Give" -Little Stream

D: If we are ever stranded, and there's nothing to eat... Nathaniel... I want you to use my body for food.

N: Dal'n wears his grandmother's under clothes!!! He also has a HUGE rash all over his body

D: Nathaniel Gardner, you will lose... everything!

N: your soul is condemned... The flames of your sins consume you! Goodbye forever... ex-friend...

...We're pleasant fellows, aren't we?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Poor Red: An October 2nd Tragedy

I'm sincere when I say that I'm not a superstitious person! ...but I am! I am superstitious! ...and I realized it around three o'clock in the afternoon on October 2nd when I was still worrying about potential Oct. 2nd tragedies. I was just about to go fly down at the Spanish Fork airport, and I actually had the though, "Is it really safe to go flying today today?" HA!

Yeah I'm silly! ...but the legacy has actually continued, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't really that surprised when, later that evening, I was pulling out my phone ready to call 911.

At about 7 o'clock the sun was going down as peacefully as ever. I had just eaten with my friend, and now we were off to watch the play Into the Woods at the Scera Theater. All seemed well.

All seemed well until twenty minutes into the play! I had just been thinking to myself how well one of the characters, Little Red Riding Hood, was at her part. I really haven't ever seen someone with that much energy, and she was perfect in her role. Just at the end of a song, she turned and pranced off to an exit door, where her enemy the wolf had just been. Suddenly, all of us jumped as we heard a blood-curdling scream...and then intense sobbing! "What? Is the wolf back or something?" I thought, but then the sobbing continued... awkwardly... and someone came running out of the exit door calling "DAD! DAD!" into the audience. At about this point, the tech guys turned off Red's mic so her agony wasn't published for all to hear. "Someone call 911!" people started yelling, and my blood ran cold.

I bet Red is safe and sound...! I bet she's comfortable and laying peacefully in her nice warm bed at home...! I bet nothing is really wrong. I just know that I didn't buy it when the narrator came out and announced in a choked voice, holding back tears, "We've had an accident. The actress who plays Little Red Riding Hood... umm... sprained her ankle. ...An ambulance is on its way."

Hmm... Yeah, I'm sure Red is just fine...! But ever since, I've been a little haunted by her scream and crying, which, may I add again, was broadcast over a theater's sound system. :(

Thursday, October 1, 2009

The Great and Terrible Day

October 2nd is my personal doomsday. It seems like any other day. Nothing special about it. But it keeps proving to be cursed. Usually I don't remember October 2nd until the day before it's upon me and I start to get honestly and deeply concerned.

I don't think I've ever had a normal October 2nd (in my whole life). My first October 2nd I was close to death sitting in a hospital incubator, and my last October 2nd I threw my back out and was bed-ridden for a week and a half. Scattered in-between those have been quite a few other terrifying, sickening, and gore-filled October 2nds.

Not all of them have been horrible like that though. I've had GREAT ones too... awesomely-great! Great to the point of life-changing! For example, I went into the MTC on October 2nd. See, that's good, right? right?'s just the recent (and more frequent) bad ones that make me expect the worst.

Maybe I do it to myself. Maybe it's my own worrying that makes it awful, or my own counter-efforts that make it great. It's more fun to think, though, that somewhere out there, there still lives a gypsy woman, angry and dirty in a run-down mansion, living alone with only bugs and bats as company, and that years ago she cast some sort of spell on my mother while she was pregnant with me.

I dunno. But please, please pray for me this October 2nd. PLEASE!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Eternally Late

I do not believe that I have ever, EVER returned a book back to the library on time.

...even if they send me daily notices for weeks ahead of time, the book will be late, never fails.

And thus it is, again!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Hope has the power to fill our lives with Happiness!!!

No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ we may hope and be assured the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations.

Mormon Messages

Oh, the Hilarity!!!

A Moment of Stress: The pizza is round. The trashcan is round. WHY CAN”T THE BOX BE ROUND?!?!

Message Left on my voicemail by GREG: Dallen Johnson, huh? More like Dallen DUMPFACE. Why aren't you at FHE? Even I made it to FHE, loser. You need to explain yourself to the rest of your roommates before we... drop a dead bird in your bed or something. Yeah...everybody was wondering where you were. I didn't really care, but they made me call you. BYE!

ME: So would everybody please turn to Mosiah 10:5? Does anybody have it memorized?
ERIN: ...This is about women and CLOTH!
ME: OH!!! I mean Moroni 10:5

ME: I think I'm going to go make me a horcrux.
DAVID: Is a horcrux a type of sandwich?

ME: "A light joking pleasure is the most round of all."

TY: I'll brb. I think I'm going to go grab me a coffee.
ME: Fine! Go get your mind and mood altering substance!
TY: YEAH! I'll come back hyper and happy and you'll KNOW it's fake. You'll KNOW it! HA HAAAA

NATE: I switched pillows with you because mine gives me nightmares!
ME: The one with GEESE on it?!
NATE: HEY! Those geese come right on after ya!
GRANDPA: That's true!!!

ME: Isn't that a picture of October Bloom?
DAVID: No... I think his name is Orlando Jones.
ME: Hmm... something sounds wrong.

ME: I'll give you $10 if you go shove those girls into the fountain!
NEIL: That is definitely not worth an assault charge.
ME: Oh come on... it's not assault if you add a crazy sound effect and then everybody laughs!

DEVIN: Your Honor... You just had to be there. The sound effect TOTALLY got rid of the "assualt" in my actions.

CALEB: If ever you're going to poke someone in the eye, make sure your finger's good and salted.

BRIANNA: Did I finish my juice? ...I wasn’t mentally prepared for that!

A Moment of Stress: The pizza is round. The trashcan is round. WHY CAN”T THE BOX BE ROUND?!?!

NATHANIEL: Josh... I love you
JOSH: What?
NATHANIEL: Not in a weird way. I just love you. I just think you're a good roommate, and I'm glad that you're mine!
JOSH: ...Huh.
NATHANIEL: That's what I've been trying to tell you all this time by making you roommate of the week!

ME: Man, I want you to be back from your mission. You know, I'll be married when you get back.
NATHANIEL: Can I uncle your children?
ME: ...As long as it's not a verb!

GREG: Sucks to be him and ROCKS to be me!

MOM: Dallen... I'm at the point where I can't even dye the gray out of my hair. I need to mascara it!

BRIGHAM: I went and talked to this group of nerds once because I was seriously wondering how it works: who's the head nerd? Is it the MOST nerdy or the LEAST nerdy guy who's in charge? ...So I went over and asked them, and one guy immediately answered, "The most nerdy guy operates his power vicariously through the least nerdy guy."

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Never put twinkies on your pizza

You know one of my big problems is self-control! I eat on a whim.

The solution is really rather simple: Before I blissfully prance into the kitchen (Okay, I only prance in meadows), I should think, "How will this affect my long-term happiness?" or "Am I going to feel this two days from now?"

See? church lessons come in handy in all circumstances!!!

...but really, I never learn!

My constant inability to think through my food choices has caused me quite a few upset stomachs lately, including now as I write this blog; but you'll be pleased to hear that I'm taking the bull by the horns. Fewer doughnuts and more salads. Chocolate syrup should not go on anything and everything. Ice cream should not come after every meal (especially meals that include orange juice). See!!! ...I realize these things!

Ugh. Sometimes I remind myself of a 12-year-old.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Safe to Remove Hardware

I'd like to think that in the depths of the electronic world, January 1, 2009 – May 14, 2009 of my journal is still floating around somewhere. I’m sitting here looking at my computer box and envisioning myself sticking my hand into it somehow (probably through the cd-rom) and pulling out 50 or so perfectly typed and printed pages, but then again the computer isn’t my own personal vending machine.

…why didn’t I think of sticking my hand in the printer?!?!

There are few tragedies in life that compare to losing your journal. The first thing that comes to mind has to be the loss of a pet—one that has been around for years and years and then mysteriously runs away—the kind that is almost like another member of the family (or another child to some mothers, which is weird). Orrrr... those times when you've been slaving for hours on an essay for some class and suddenly something (I don't understand these things) happens, and you lose it all. Now you have to start from scratch, and sometimes you're even in a worse spot, because you're trying to do it exactly as you did before, which doesn't really work so well.

(Wouldn’t that be nice though if they had a vending machine around campus that sold typed essays for class?)

...If you think about it, my journal never actually existed. What I’m lamenting over was something I kind of never actually possessed. It was merely a projected image as part of a program (dang you Microsoft Word) that I could manipulate through my keyboard. Being sad my journal is gone is like being sad my friends Mario and Luigi are gone because my Nintendo game doesn’t work. least I tell myself that.

Anyways, I think this kind of brought me back to blogging, along with noticing how many of my other friends have blogs. It's kind of fun to actually put your ideas out there for others to read anyways. When it comes down to it, I really don't think anybody has ever read my journal, minus the occasional snippet. It's time to publish!

I really don't want there to be any difference between my journal and this blog, except that my journal will probably contain more of my randomness. And this blog will likely have nothing about my dating life (which to be honest is a significant part of my journal). Let's be honest... that's just not smart! So anyways, that's really all I have to say about that.

(Wow! That's how I end a lot of journal entries too!!!)

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