Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I Basically Just Wanted Another Award

I've only followed Blog O' Cheese for a few days, but for some reason I feel like I can relate to that guy. Especially his last post about commenting and following. True 'dat Cheese Man. You hit the nail on the head for me too. I haven't been blogging long, but I already feel outnumbered by women in this blogging community!'s like being a male nurse!

(Just like Ben Stiller)

But really, this post is about accepting his award, simply because I don't think Blog O' Cheese expects anybody to do it. And I guess I like to claim that I'm all about paradigm breaking--or maybe just doing things for the sake of reaction. So yes... Cheese... I accept your free "The Taking Names and Kicking Butt Award." I found an appropriate picture, too.

(I'm cool because I added the words myself)

So sweet man! Thanks! And by the way, I'm giving you back your own award! The only expectation I'm giving you is that you'll accept it without doing anything!

Monday, June 28, 2010

So, umm, sorry! This is for a date!

I have determined that people will do just about anything for you if you let them know they're helping your date. It's simple enough: all the two of you have to do is look a little embarrassed and say, "So, umm, sorry! This is for a date...," then you continue on to make your unusual, absurd, and creepy demands. Whatever you ask of them now seems doable. Acceptable. Automatically attached to any request is an element of fun and adventure.

Times this phrase would come in handy:

1. When you need food!

             "So, umm, sorry... We're on a date, and we need two bowls of ice cream. 
Could you by chance spare some?"

(Why sure! You two dears look so cute together. Is this like a scavenger hunt?)

2. When you break something!

              "...So, umm, sorry... We're on a date, and we just broke 
one of your lawn chairs."

(Oh, nobody ever sat on that old thing anyways! 
Your adorable date wasn't hurt was she?)

3. To invade boundaries.

"...So, umm, sorry. We're on a date, and we saw a trampoline in your back yard...

(Hey! Grandpa would like to join you if that's okay.)

4.  To get away with something

So, umm, sorry Officers. We're on a date, but we'll take off if you want us to!

(Oh you little raggamuffins! What fun you must be having. Ah, the joy of youth!

One of my own stories: A few years ago, my date and I decided we really wanted ice cream, but, bless her dear little heart... she felt bad that I'd have to spend money. So I had an idea, and it would work perfectly since we were right in the middle of an apartment complex! We went to the first door, knocked, and I said, "So, umm... we're on this date... do you happen to have an egg?" The person looked a little confused at first, but immediately perked up, and with a "just one moment!" went and got us an egg! "There you are..." Next door: Knock Knock. "So, umm... we're on this date... would you be willing to buy this egg from us for 25 cents?" ..."Oh... umm... yeah! Sure." Ca-CHING! So easy! ...We went door-to-door for about 10 minutes asking for eggs and selling them, and pretty soon we had about five bucks for ice cream! Next stop: The Malt Shoppe! Yeahya!

I'm actually thinking of basing an entire date based around this idea. Beforehand, the other guys and I would get together and come up with a list of challenges (which, knowing my friends, might be pretty embarrassing). Then we'd give our dates a chance to help out with (or reject) ideas. Man... I'm kind of getting excited about this. If I ever do it, I'll be sure to report to you.

...PS: One note. I have a strict honesty policy! If you're ever going to use this little technique, you dang well better be on a date! 

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Wanna Change The World? There's Nothing To It!

I saw this commercial on TV, and I felt inspired!

What do you really want from life? What do you expect from the world? Go ahead, sit back, and think about it! Write down whatever comes to mind. Then write down how you can be the change you wanna see.

Do you want:

Greater Happiness? Then Do What's Right!

More Love? Then Go Serve!

More Respect? Give it!

More Forgiveness? Ask for it!

Better Leaders? Be one!

A Better Society? Be the change you want to see in the world. -Mahatma Gandhi

OH... and go listen to that song again! Doesn't it just make things seem so simple? :)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Wipeout Application -- I need your help!!!

If you don't know what Wipeout is, you better get yourself out of your books and back in front of your television set. I promise you, this is one hour wasted that you'll never want back!

Wipeout is enough comedy to make even cynical, cranky old people wet their pants in laughter (even though that might not be that hard). 

So Here's the Deal:
World famous reality television producer Endemol USA (that brought you Fear Factor, and Deal or No Deal,) is casting more episodes of the television hit WIPEOUT. In each episode, 24 contestants compete to win $50,000 while conquering the world's largest obstacle course.

STEP 1: Fill out an online profile and application. Include a brief summary of why you're the perfect candidate for this show. You MUST upload a photo to be considered.
STEP 2: Our casting department will review your application. If they would like to bring you in for an audition, they will contact you to schedule an appointment at our Burbank office.

...If you've ever seen the show, you know they generally have some pretty, um... how do I put this? ...interesting people on there. They're usually colorful, hyper, and downright laughable. So what I need to do is pick some quirky or unique part of myself and exaggerate it up the wazoo. Those who know me, please! I need your help! Point out, even rudely, my most laughable qualities. Whatever idea I choose, I'm going to write my essay and do a photoshoot that will make my application undeniable.

Help me get on Wipeout!!!

And to close, here are some future pictures of me competing on Wipeout.

(me hurtling the big balls)

(I don't know what's happening, but it appears my legs are tied to that flag or something)

(There I am wasting my competitors)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Indiana Jones and Expectations

We've already discussed how my dreams are psycho and grotesque at times, but usually I absolutely LOVE them. I look forward to going to sleep. For example, I get to be Indiana Jones at least once a month. And so it was yet again last night. After hours of sheer awesomeness and heroics worthy of the big screen, I woke up and said aloud, "That was one of the coolest dreams I have ever had!" Then I texted a few people about it.

...why, as Indiana Jones, I've been conveyed into a South American volcano, been trapped in a collapsible room filled with spikes and skeletons, and explored Mayan caves blocked by a minotaur.

(me in my past life)

So, who saw the new Indiana Jones movie? Who liked it? No one! ...didn't think so. Well I DID! But not the first time. And that leads me to my topic of expectations.

When I went to see the new Indiana Jones movie in the theater, my expectations were unrealistically high. In hindsight I'd say they were nigh unreachable. The previous movies are ground into my life, deep and immovable--some of my favorites.

Well it couldn't meet my expectations. I saw flaws and silliness and scoffed all the way through. Disaster. Well, months later I was over at my friend's place with a few hours to burn, and he wanted to take a nap in his room. So I popped in the new Indiana Jones. To burn time. Something happened that I did not expect. I loved it! I loved every bit of it. ...except the part where Indy's son flies through the trees with all those monkeys.

What made the difference? Expectations!!! They just weren't unrealistic the second time. I didn't expect life-changing action or drama or something to be added that it was incapable of adding.

This and a few other things has got me thinking a lot about expectations. Where are my expectations unrealistic? When is it bad to have high expectations? Are standards and expectations different? Are expectations good/neutral/bad for relationships/life goals/movie watching?

I've done a lot of thinking about it and have plenty of opinions that I'm ready to mold and discuss into something new. Please collective world. Your thoughts!

(this is you... thinking)

King of Tonga: I Miss You

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love the King of Tonga.Well, more specifically I love the late King of Tonga. Sadly, he passed away in 2006. ...on my birthday.

The King of Tonga and I share a special bond! In fact, he was my pen-pal once. Back in 2004, I found his address randomly in a book I was reading, and me... with all my free time... decided to write him a letter.

...The letter was ridiculous! And it certainly carried all the graces deserved by higher nobility. (Sarcasm). After reading my letter, I wouldn't have been surprised if he thought I was a some irritatingly obsessive pre-teen lacking respect and a proper education. My letter ended with me begging him for an autographed photo, promising that if he sent it, I'd frame it and hang it on my bedroom wall.

Months and months and months later, with my letter long forgotten, I got an oddly-shaped envelope in the mail. At first I figured it was a wedding announcement, but I thought it was strange that there was no return address, stamp, or postmark. Only a crest overlaying the backside seal--an official coat of arms exactly like this one:

I read the seal and only recognized the one word. TONGA. I was probably a little more excited than I'd like to admit. I opened it and inside I found a picture of the entire royal family, autographed by King Taufa'ahau Tupou IV himself!

Awww... Look at him! I don't think he has a bigger fan than myself.

I wrote him back, but like I said... he died! My mom called me the day after my birthday and broke the news. Our friendship ended! ...But we will all meet him at the pearly gates someday!

So King of Tonga, again... this post is dedicated to your loving memory! My mom and I both love and miss you. And thanks for the autographed photo. Tonga Forever!!!

PS: I'm thinking about writing the new King, telling my story, and challenging him to outdo the last King, or at least a battle of wits. Whatta ya think?!

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

Disney tells us this is true... and we feel all warm and fuzzy when we hear it because we hope, like Cinderella, that our heart's wishes will also come true! Ah, dreams! ... These are how our soul, in its purity, would have life be.

But me... I don't think my heart really know what's best for me. I wake up some mornings completely unable to interpret the random idiocy that just took place. Other times I awake wondering how I could possibly have come up with such bizarre, violent, or emotionally wrenching situations for myself.

Let's take a gander at a few of my more recent dreams/wishes to see what I wish life would provide:

1) I wish that I would be raised and ruled by penguins.

2) ...that I'd get run down and devoured by dinosaurs.

3) That an alien will kill all my friends and family, and I will be left completely and utterly alone, to walk a void planet filled with noxious gases.

4) That I will be completely and absolutely in-love, but that girl of my dreams will never... could never love me back -- because I'll be a zombie. A heartbroken zombie. :(

 5) And probably the dream that caused me to wake up with more shock and terror than any other (honestly!!!)... that the United States Constitution didn't have a Bill of Rights, and that there was nothing I could do about it!

Like I say, most morning I wake up either confused or bothered. Sometimes shaken. If Cinderella's right and my dreams will come true... we're all screwed!
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