Eternally Late

I do not believe that I have ever, EVER returned a book back to the library on time.

...even if they send me daily notices for weeks ahead of time, the book will be late, never fails.

And thus it is, again!

Hope has the power to fill our lives with Happiness!!!

No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ we may hope and be assured the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations.



Mormon Messages

Oh, the Hilarity!!!

A Moment of Stress: The pizza is round. The trashcan is round. WHY CAN”T THE BOX BE ROUND?!?!

Message Left on my voicemail by GREG: Dallen Johnson, huh? More like Dallen DUMPFACE. Why aren't you at FHE? Even I made it to FHE, loser. You need to explain yourself to the rest of your roommates before we... drop a dead bird in your bed or something. Yeah...everybody was wondering where you were. I didn't really care, but they made me call you. BYE!

ME: So would everybody please turn to Mosiah 10:5? Does anybody have it memorized?
ERIN: ...This is about women and CLOTH!
ME: OH!!! I mean Moroni 10:5

ME: I think I'm going to go make me a horcrux.
DAVID: Is a horcrux a type of sandwich?

ME: "A light joking pleasure is the most round of all."

TY: I'll brb. I think I'm going to go grab me a coffee.
ME: Fine! Go get your mind and mood altering substance!
TY: YEAH! I'll come back hyper and happy and you'll KNOW it's fake. You'll KNOW it! HA HAAAA

NATE: I switched pillows with you because mine gives me nightmares!
ME: The one with GEESE on it?!
NATE: HEY! Those geese come right on after ya!
GRANDPA: That's true!!!

ME: Isn't that a picture of October Bloom?
DAVID: No... I think his name is Orlando Jones.
ME: Hmm... something sounds wrong.

ME: I'll give you $10 if you go shove those girls into the fountain!
NEIL: That is definitely not worth an assault charge.
ME: Oh come on... it's not assault if you add a crazy sound effect and then everybody laughs!

DEVIN: Your Honor... You just had to be there. The sound effect TOTALLY got rid of the "assualt" in my actions.

CALEB: If ever you're going to poke someone in the eye, make sure your finger's good and salted.

BRIANNA: Did I finish my juice? ...I wasn’t mentally prepared for that!

A Moment of Stress: The pizza is round. The trashcan is round. WHY CAN”T THE BOX BE ROUND?!?!

NATHANIEL: Josh... I love you
JOSH: What?
NATHANIEL: Not in a weird way. I just love you. I just think you're a good roommate, and I'm glad that you're mine!
JOSH: ...Huh.
NATHANIEL: That's what I've been trying to tell you all this time by making you roommate of the week!

ME: Man, I want you to be back from your mission. You know, I'll be married when you get back.
NATHANIEL: Can I uncle your children?
ME: ...As long as it's not a verb!

GREG: Sucks to be him and ROCKS to be me!

MOM: Dallen... I'm at the point where I can't even dye the gray out of my hair. I need to mascara it!

BRIGHAM: I went and talked to this group of nerds once because I was seriously wondering how it works: who's the head nerd? Is it the MOST nerdy or the LEAST nerdy guy who's in charge? ...So I went over and asked them, and one guy immediately answered, "The most nerdy guy operates his power vicariously through the least nerdy guy."

Never put twinkies on your pizza

You know one of my big problems is self-control! I eat on a whim.

The solution is really rather simple: Before I blissfully prance into the kitchen (Okay, I only prance in meadows), I should think, "How will this affect my long-term happiness?" or "Am I going to feel this two days from now?"

See? church lessons come in handy in all circumstances!!!

...but really, I never learn!

My constant inability to think through my food choices has caused me quite a few upset stomachs lately, including now as I write this blog; but you'll be pleased to hear that I'm taking the bull by the horns. Fewer doughnuts and more salads. Chocolate syrup should not go on anything and everything. Ice cream should not come after every meal (especially meals that include orange juice). See!!! ...I realize these things!

Ugh. Sometimes I remind myself of a 12-year-old.

Safe to Remove Hardware

I'd like to think that in the depths of the electronic world, January 1, 2009 – May 14, 2009 of my journal is still floating around somewhere. I’m sitting here looking at my computer box and envisioning myself sticking my hand into it somehow (probably through the cd-rom) and pulling out 50 or so perfectly typed and printed pages, but then again the computer isn’t my own personal vending machine.

…why didn’t I think of sticking my hand in the printer?!?!

There are few tragedies in life that compare to losing your journal. The first thing that comes to mind has to be the loss of a pet—one that has been around for years and years and then mysteriously runs away—the kind that is almost like another member of the family (or another child to some mothers, which is weird). Orrrr... those times when you've been slaving for hours on an essay for some class and suddenly something (I don't understand these things) happens, and you lose it all. Now you have to start from scratch, and sometimes you're even in a worse spot, because you're trying to do it exactly as you did before, which doesn't really work so well.

(Wouldn’t that be nice though if they had a vending machine around campus that sold typed essays for class?)

...If you think about it, my journal never actually existed. What I’m lamenting over was something I kind of never actually possessed. It was merely a projected image as part of a program (dang you Microsoft Word) that I could manipulate through my keyboard. Being sad my journal is gone is like being sad my friends Mario and Luigi are gone because my Nintendo game doesn’t work. ...at least I tell myself that.

Anyways, I think this kind of brought me back to blogging, along with noticing how many of my other friends have blogs. It's kind of fun to actually put your ideas out there for others to read anyways. When it comes down to it, I really don't think anybody has ever read my journal, minus the occasional snippet. It's time to publish!

I really don't want there to be any difference between my journal and this blog, except that my journal will probably contain more of my randomness. And this blog will likely have nothing about my dating life (which to be honest is a significant part of my journal). Let's be honest... that's just not smart! So anyways, that's really all I have to say about that.

(Wow! That's how I end a lot of journal entries too!!!)