Sunday, July 25, 2010

Dear Charlotte Church

Here's a letter I wrote to Charlotte Church when I was 16, in 10th grade:

Dear Charlotte Church,

Wow. How convenient that I found your address. The Internet is seriously amazing these days. All I had to do was search you on Yahoo, hack a couple secure pages, and wham! ...Now you're getting this letter. The next challenge is making it persuasive enough that you'll actually read it and respond.

So, I'm in a pickle (pick hold?). I'm currently needing a date to homecoming, and you're currently 10,000 miles away. Do you see the problem? Let me begin with the official asking: Charlotte... I would be honored if you would be my homecoming date! Will you go with me?There.

You do not need to worry about this date at all. First, I wouldn't showcase you by making you sing. Other people might get excited about that, but I'll tell them you're here for the dance, not to entertain. Any singing would take place as a personal serenade in our limo or when we go for that romantic walk near the gezebo. Second, I would try to not introduce you as my official girlfriend. Instead, I would just tell people that "we're working on it" or "her fame keeps us apart." Third, I insist that our colors be orange and teal because I already have a vest in those colors. You will want to find a dress that matches (not skimpy). Fourth, absolutely no dancing with other guys. You're obviously going to be the hit of the night, so let's not make it complex. You're with me, and the rest of them can be satisfied with what they asked! Lastly, the goodnight kiss would not need to be longer than 10 seconds. I understand if your body guards need to be present, but please, tell them beforehand to not watch. I might get shy.

Okay, I anxiously await your reply. You have two months in which to prepare for the greatest dance-experience of your life. If you have any questions, you are more than welcome to call me on my home telephone number.

(contact info)

(That little brat never got back to me!!!)


  1. She never wrote back to you?

    I feel that you were nothing but charming and reasonable.

    Right, that's it, I'm going to find her address on the Internet, put her on my Christmas card list, and then in a show of support for some guy who's blog I'm reading for the first time, I'm going to cross her off my Christmas card list.

    It's the least I could do.

    No really, it is the very least I could do.

  2. How rude of her. She obviously doesn't know a great deal when she gets one. . . Oh famous people . . . they can afford to be rude.

    If I was her. . . I would have been thrilled to dance with you!

  3. some i am amazed at the lack of response you get from these people, don't they know that a letter like that deserves SOMETHING?

  4. Dear Dallen - I JUST NOW got your letter and I am SOOOO sorry I am late in responding. I would say that fame kept us apart, but you already said that. Fate is now bringing us together. I'll call you tonight, hope you still have that orange vest. If you don't answer, I'll understand and will take the hint and will never bother you again.

    Better late than never - Charolotte

  5. I just gave you an award on my silly blog, if you want it!

  6. Oh my gosh I can't believe I didnt read this earlier. I would have captured her for you and put her in my little car (which is really hard to get out of, especially in the back seat) and taken her back to your lair, and you could have danced your heart out, and then had that ten second kiss..withOUT the bodyguards. I would not watch because that would be awkward. But when you were done I would have to take her back..or maybe you could *wink wink*...


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